That Ain't Water!
by Nicky McCloud
Summary: Piccolo gets drunk. Nuff said.


This is my first attempt at a humor fic. I know it gets kinda strange in the middle, but my proofreader (Holly a.k.a. Zeriara) thought it was funny.  
  
  
Chapter One  
  
Sabine, Vegeta, and Piccolo were staying at the Kame House while Master Roshi and the others went on a vacation.  
"No, why didn't you want to go with the others?" Vegeta demanded.  
"I've told you a thousand times! You know I've been on a skating tour for a month. I've spent more time then I'll ever want to again on a cramped plane. I'm wick of traveling," she responded in a huff. "I wish Lunch had stayed. You certainly won't help with the housework." She picked up a broom.  
"I'm no woman! After all, I'm the prince of all Saiyans!" he sniffed.  
"So? Remember, if we were still on Vegeta-sei, I would hold a higher rank than you. I'm a Sailor Guardian."  
"Is that a challenge?!"  
"Try it!" Sab yelled as she tackled her brother and pinned him to the floor. He didn't have much of a chance; Sabine was far stronger than her twin. "Now, will you help with the cleaning?" She offered a hand to help him up.  
"Alright! Alright, woman! I'll help!" he resigned, refusing her outstretched hand.  
Just as Vegeta picked up a feather duster, they heard a loud crash coming from the kitchen.  
"Didn't the Namek say he wasn't feeling well?" Vegeta asked, wondering if an intruder had dared enter.  
"Yeah, and he went upstairs to lie down," Sabine answered.  
The twins crept silently into the kitchen. They saw Piccolo staggering around, a bottle of clear liquid in his hand.  
"What does he have in his hand, Vege? I can't see!" Sab spat quietly, batting her brother's wild hair out of her face.  
Vegeta could barely stifle his laughter long enough to reply.  
"It says 'Everclear: 190 proof alcohol!'" he managed to spurt before he started to howl with laughter and fell to the floor. Sabine started laughing uncontrollably as well.  
"Come on! We've got to find a video camera!" Sab said in-between gasps. "Wait. On second thought, you stay here and make suer Piccolo doesn't do anything stupid or dangerous!"  
Sabine ran upstairs and found a camcorder in her old bedroom. As she went back down the stairs, she heard loud music playing. She walked in to see Piccolo swinging from the ceiling fan. "Baby Got Back," by Sir Mix-a-lot, was blaring on the stereo. Vegeta was collapsed on the sofa, laughing so hard he could barely breath. Sabine checked the tape pointed the camera at Piccolo, took the lens cap off, and hit "record." After the song on the radio had finished, Piccolo jumped down from the fan and nearly lost his balance. Then , another song started playing--"The Bad Touch," by the Bloodhound Gang. After taking another swig from the almost-empty bottle, he started to dance around the room, trying to do a stripper-dance, but was only able to get his gi top off. After all of this, he grabbed a floor lamp, wrapped one leg around it, and started to twirl. After a few rotations, he fell off of the lamp and passed out in a drunken stupor.  
Sabine turned off the camera and set it down in a chair, careful not to break the camera or jar the tape. Still shaking from quiet laughter, she crossed the room, making sure not to step on Piccolo's prone body, to where her twin lay in tears from laughing so hard.  
"Vegeta...hahaha...we've go to...heehee...get him upstairs where he can...(gasp)...rest," she said through her own laughs.  
"Yeah!" Vegeta replied, wiping away a tear; he was still trying to not laugh. "I don't know if I can help, Serenity. I ache all over from laughiiiiiiiinnnngggg...heeheehee," he started to giggle again. Vegeta picked Piccolo up by his feet and legs, and Sabine grabbed his shoulder. Together, they managed to haul him up the stairs and into a bedroom without running into anything or powering up. They both then retreated to the den/living room, where they proceeded to clean up Piccolo's mess. Afterwards, they fell onto the sofa and laughed themselves to sleep watching the video Sab just shot.  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Fiver hours later, Sabine was awakened to the sound of someone falling down stairs. Using her Saiyan speed, she pushed her still-sleeping, drooling brother off of her shoulder, crossed to the door, and grabbed her swords all in one movement. She stood ready to fight, but was both relieved and shocked to see Piccolo sitting at the bottom of the stairwell, holding his head and moaning in agony.  
"Kami, what happened? I feel like a whole convoy of semis ran over me!" he groaned as he felt bile rising in his throat. He darted to the bathroom. For ten minutes, the sound of retching could be heard.  
"He's got a hangover from HFIL," Vegeta stated, getting up off the sofa just as Piccolo reentered the main room, his face greener than was normal for a Namek.  
"What was that stuff I was drinking? I got thirsty and was looking for some bottled water," Piccolo struggled through his nausea.  
Sab and Vegeta grinned at each other and said in unison, "That Ain't Water!" 


End file.
